Staying with us? What do you mean, Emily, he s staying with us?
(EMILY grabs WALTER s arm and moves him away from BUDDY and MICHAEL. EMILY picks up an envelope from the table.)
EMILY
Walter, I ve been, uh, very busy the last couple of days. You see, I took a strand of Buddy s hair, and a few strands of your hair from the sink, then I had my cousin at Beth Israel Hospital compare the two and.
WALTER
EMILY
(hands WALTER the envelope with a DNA report)
You have an elf for a son.
WALTER
(During the above, we see BUDDY and MICHAEL move closer to eavesdrop. BUDDY races to hug WALTER. MICHAEL follows right behind BUDDY.)
BUDDY
Yay! I knew it! I knew it! Dad. Dad. Dad.
MICHAEL
I got a big brother! This is so cool! I can t believe it!
BUDDY
I planned out our whole first day, Dad. Just you and me. Tomorrow we will.
WALTER
Tomorrow I ve got to go to work.
EMILY
Tomorrow, your father will take you to work with him.
WALTER
All right, but if you re coming with me you ll have to lose that costume. We ll stop at Brooks Brothers on the way and get you a suit.
BUDDY
Oh! Can it be red like Santa s?
WALTER
SAM
We got a problem, Mr. Hobbs. Jingles The Jolly Christmas Puppy is tanking in every bookstore in the country.
WALTER
SAM
Because two whole pages are missing from the last chapter.
WALTER
SAM
Without them the end of the book makes no sense.
WALTER
DEB
WALTER
DEB
WALTER
(EMILY and twelve-year-old MICHAEL enter.)
EMILY
MICHAEL
EMILY
WALTER
EMILY
Christmas shopping, remember?
WALTER
I can t. I m swamped.
MICHAEL
Dad, it is well documented that the children of workaholics are prone to self-esteem issues.
(WALTER stares at EMILY, baffled. DEB stifles a laugh.)
WALTER
Could we please continue this delightful conversation over here?